Why,Oh Why?

But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. Luke 2:19

At almost the same time of the early evening—just when the last streaks of daylight finally gives way to the evening , I light the “katol” and set it under the table in the open terrace. 

I push the old teevee out of the center of the shared table and arrange my little make shift altar with great care so as not to topple the Sto Nino on it’s pedestal.   I strike the match again and light the candles. 

I move the flowers in a vase on the side of the candle making sure not to put it directly under the candle.

I settle in my chair, take a deep breath and look straight at the scene in front of me.

For many evenings now, the question “Why?” drifts into my mind.

Why the heartache?

Why the pain?

Why the suffering?

Why the greed?

Why the cruelty?

Why the good and not the bad?

Why the cheating?

Why the death?

Why the apathy?

Why her? Why him? Why me? Why you?

Why the why?

Free will? Environment? Culture? Karma? Upbringing? Genes? Life Style? Fate? Just is? All of these?

I take slow and deep breaths as I stare at the candle flames.

And as always, the answer: All will become clear in the end.

I take my rosary and lift up my evening’s intentions.

---xoxoxox---

I do not profess to know everything about my religion. I am still in the “elementary level” in the "trying hard department" to grasp what it takes to be a true follower of Christ.  

Asking why is not a question of losing or the weakening of faith. I think of it as a means to fortify my faith.

For with faith, lies hope.

And with hope, lies the answers.

In the fullness of God's time...